The Construction of Late

Do you ever go through the emotions that you just aren’t doing it right anymore; that you really aren’t necessary; that if you took a few steps back for awhile, no one would even miss you?

I have absolutely no reason to feel that way, but sometimes I do. It’s not so much things others say to me or things they do–it’s more the way I perceive myself in the big picture.

A discussion goes bad, and now communications are strained at best and non-existent at worst. Over and over the question arises, “What could I have done to assure a different outcome?” My perceptions become skewed, and I blame myself for both sides of the breakdown.

The positions you held are not yours anymore, and while you may be glad to have someone else in those positions, suddenly you feel — I don’t know — unnecessary? lost? empty?

It’s strange. Every now and then I go through these emotions. I don’t share them so that you will feel the need to pat me on the back or encourage me. In a day or two, I’ll be over this and back in my “zone.” Right now, I just feel tired, unnecessary, a bit lonely.

But tomorrow….

3 Comments

  • Anonymous

    June 9, 2010 at 4:24 am Reply

    This really makes my heart hurt for you Claudie – you are my sister, my hero… and I know how deeply you feel hurt. Just remember that you are the reason so many people smile, laugh, and really think about life choices – God may need you to have some alone time to reflect and draw closer to him and talk to him about the relationship that has you hurting. You have never been one to mince words, but that is the beauty of you – one always knows that you are a woman of God, first and foremost! It will all work itself out, if you didn’t care it wouldn’t make you feel so lonely. (As Susan said, weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning! And Bev is the BEST ear and shoulder out there!) You are an amazing lady and loved so much! Judy

  • Anonymous

    June 8, 2010 at 8:00 pm Reply

    I totally empathise-self talk from the evil one can be so depressing ! Anything I can do to help? Tho with the Lords help you need no one else ! But it does help sometimes to talk it out with another human being. Love-Bev

  • Susan Koonts

    June 8, 2010 at 12:09 pm Reply

    What does the Bible say, “Joy comes in the morning”. I hope that yours comes soon too. We all have the same feelings as those you wrote about. I guess because we still live in this old body, and the devil is out to discourage us. He can’t take our soul, but he sure can take our joy when we are down. Just be like David, and encourage yourself in the Lord. Have a good day.

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