Final Thoughts on Cancer–Maybe

I’ve shared about Dave’s cancer a couple of times now, but I have some leftover thoughts I’d like to purge. Writing them down seems to be the best way to do that.

When Dave was first diagnosed with cancer, I must be honest and say that I didn’t handle it well at all. Having watched my mother and my brother both die from cancer, the mental pictures that filled my thoughts and devoured hours on end were just terrifying. My insides felt like jelly, and I couldn’t think of much else but the fact that my husband, the man I love forever, had cancer.

According to his doctor, he had two different cancers in his prostate. One was the kind that many men contract and which doctors just watch for years, because of its slow growth–the kind of cancer doctors say men might die with but they won’t die from. The second kind of cancer was labelled aggressive and lethal. You can understand why that would cause anxiety, right? Aggressive. Lethal. Those words beat like a constant drum in my mind. And the pace at which we were going about finding the right treatment to get rid of that cancer seemed to move as slowly as molasses.

I always thought I was strong. I always thought I could handle anything that came my way, that I’d be the bastion of non-wavering faith when the “big” challenge struck. I was none of those things. I was weak, scared, and felt as if my liquid insides wouldn’t hold the weight of me if I stood for long. I couldn’t sleep; and every time I did stand from my chair, I found the kitchen, and whatever was edible, I ate it. Pathetic.

But God.

It didn’t happen immediately, but it did happen. God sent friends to me, reminding me that God was totally in control. And they didn’t stop reminding me. I’m thankful for their constancy, because it eventually registered in my muddled brain and shook me awake from my stupor. Family and friends prayed for us, faithful folks that kept us in their minds constantly. We received cards, phone calls, texts, and emails full of concern and promise. And ALL of them shared the same message: “God was not surprised by this; God is in control; God loves you; God will be your strength.” And He was. He is.

Dear friends and family, thank you for reminding us that we are not alone. Thank you for bearing me up in my weakness and trusting that I’d eventually recover my senses. Thank you for not being disappointed by my first responses.

I momentarily lost my direction and acted as one without faith. BUT—with the word of God being my lifeline each morning, His promises shining through the letters written by men with human frailties, and through the unwavering love and support of God’s people I don’t feel so “liquid” inside anymore.  

Having experienced a bit of a setback in his treatments, Dave is currently in a holding pattern. Hackers, it appears, have struck at the medical world and taken computer systems hostage across the nation. This has put Dave’s treatments on hold, and whereas he should have completed 13 treatments to this date, he has completed only ten. But God. God is in control. He is in every moment of every day. He knows that not only Dave, but thousands of folks are not receiving the care they need. He isn’t surprised, and one day He will take care of the evil in this world. Until He does that, I cling to this: “I will lift my eyes to the mountains; where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.” (Psalm 121:1-3)

I am not strong. But God is.

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11 Responses to Final Thoughts on Cancer–Maybe

  1. Stephen Bryant says:

    God has got this all under control. Now we must trust Him for the results.
    I am so thankful He is all powerful and all good.

  2. Bobbie Kogok says:

    Thank you for keeping it real. I have always found myself feeling ups and downs when faced with terrifying and unpredictable circumstances. But then the prayer warriors swoop in and lift me up and I can literally feel the power of the prayer and the Lord’s close presence. I know you are too. We are so imperfect, it’s good to be reminded our failings are what brought our Savior to us and for us. Praying the whole system gets up and running soon and Dave can get the treatments done and get in with all the good living and healing ahead. Blessings!

    • Thank you so much. They are manually running the machines without benefit of the computers, in order to keep up the treatments on their patients. But God is in all the details, and we continue to thank Him for taking care of us.

  3. Tammy says:

    This reads like a woman connected to the vine, the bread of life, the living water.

  4. shelleykrick says:

    BTW, yes family rocks! I just love the pictures on here!

  5. shelleykrick says:

    Claudie I understand completely. I have done this to myself with both Richard dying this year and with Tim. However, every night I have prayed for the LORD to put back the pieces of my broken heart. Yesterday, I don’t know why, I had silent tears coming down my face and wanted privacy. Yes, GOD is in control and with prayer I believe Dave can overcome this setback. He may not think it but I think he is one of the strongest, right with GOD, and very brave. Even though I have not see both of you I always looked up to Dave and we had some conversations about Jesus and GOD while I lived in North Carolina. Remember the time we surprised you on your birthday at a restaurant. And Cody wanted to set with Dave. He just has the power GOD gave him that draws people towards him and also to you. I’m still praying and I have to tell you when I heard about Dave, my heart broke for him too. GOD is in control and no matter what we want it will be according to his will! But we all can have comfort in this, If something does happen beyond our control, we will join Tim in heaven. Prayers for you both and love y’all.

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