Life Under Construction – Some Days I Feel Like Spiderman

** I wrote this in 2005, when Nate was 5 and Philip was 2. It\’s now January 2020, and the boys are grown/growing up–Nate is 19, Philip is 16, and Andre is now 14 years old! Nate has come back to live with us in the last year and half (no bad reason–just because), and Jenn and the boys live a few miles from us. She\’s still working hard (two jobs totaling 12 days a week), and the boys are still in need of attention, support, clothing, and food–lots and lots of food. 🙂

Has life settled down for us? Maybe a little. Dave and I are both retired now. We spent two of those retirement years homeschooling one of the grandsons, and we are traveling out of state at least once a quarter to spend time with our son\’s family, who have a 3 1/2-year-old and a 1-year-old.

In what turned out to be \”not a very good year,\” Dave and I both lost our mothers in 2014. It was a hard year, with other losses suffered as well, which added to our sadness. Our joy comes from knowing we\’ll see them again. Our pain comes from knowing we can\’t see them now.

Would I trade my life for someone else\’s? No. Our life is what it is. Some days are super stressful; and then we have the days we spend napping in our chairs, just being super lazy; and some days I get to be Spiderman (or Super Grandma), balancing out the less glamorous moments.

And here\’s the deal, I still believe that God is in control. I still believe that He will see us through whatever stress drops itself into our laps. We have the normal concerns that other retired families have, but God knows that, and as Dave said recently, \”God will see us through.\”

Even though there are challenges in our lives, we work them out with trust and faith, relying on God\’s grace.

So, on to the original post. **

I watched Spiderman2 with the grandkids the other night. Not long into the story I got the impression this was a very unhappy superhero. You see, in order to perform his superhero activities, Spiderman had to give up many things that make up a “normal” life—the girl he loved, the inability to keep a regular schedule, enough sleep, etc.

Now, I’m not a superhero, but some days I feel like Spiderman. After a night of broken sleep by one or more of the grandkids (they live with us), or a day of sickness which throws all plans out the window, or canceling dinner plans with my husband because our daughter is called in to work at the last minute (and you know who has to baby sit), I just feel drained, empty. As well, just recently I’ve become a member of the “sandwich” generation—taking care of young children AND caring for the needs of an ailing mother. And I feel like asking, as Spiderman did, “What am I supposed to do? Do I never get what I want?\”

Before you respond with suggestions to quit whining, let me inform you that I know the movie story line has a happy ending. Finally, Spiderman gets recognized for his good deeds, and he gets the girl. When he again flies off to be a superhero, he’s a happy and willing hero.

Someday life may settle down. Or maybe it won’t. I don’t remember God promising me anything different for my life. I whine sometimes, because I’m human and I get tired. In the rare quiet moments, though, I remember and trust the promises of God.

You see, I’ve read the Book—I know the ending. I know that “weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5). I am to do the work God has called me to do. As a woman, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother the list is long and the hours are longer. I believe and trust in God’s timing. With His help, I can do this.

-October 19, 2005

Life Under Construction–Home School Style


Recently, Dave and I made a retirement-altering decision regarding one of our grandsons. After learning that he has made it all the way through 5th grade without knowing his multiplication table, how to divide, basic parts of speech, etc., we have decided we will home school him for a year with the prayer for bringing him up to speed with his contemporaries–and who knows, maybe even surpass them!

When we talked to \”A\” about this, he loved the idea immediately. He simply can\’t learn in a classroom environment. Some of it is his inability to sit still for more than two minutes (yes, we tried those brain-dulling medicines; they calmed him down, but rendered him unable to process information); some of it is the fact that teachers are dealing with full classrooms of kids, some of whom don\’t speak English; some of it is that \”A\” acts out because he wants to take attention off the fact that he isn\’t learning, so they just put him in the back of the room and let him simmer while they teach other kids. I\’m not blaming the teachers–i know they have a hard job. There are many factors involved in the situation, but it simply cannot continue.

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One on one is what this kid needs for a while. We intend to offer that to him, and we plan to teach him the way his mind processes info. We are looking forward to an exciting year for us all!

Please pray for us as we undertake this opportunity. We home schooled our own kids for nine years, so we know it\’s a real commitment.

For those who might be concerned about \”socialization\” I say, we tried that for seven years. It\’s got him where he is today. He\’ll be fine.

Life Under Construction–Parenting is SO Easy

Parents, do NOT let other people guilt you into being \”their\” kind of parent. I had a neighbor once whose son was in his playroom and dropped his glass of milk. When he tried to pick it up, he cut his palm. This precious mother was so guilt-ridden over what other parents would think of her for leaving her son alone IN HIS PLAYROOM, that she was considering plastic surgery for the little scar that would be on his palm. For most little boys, scars are warrior trophies, anyway. \”Oh, this scar? It\’s nothing. You should see the other fella.\” Right?

My mother always said I watched my kids too close, yet my daughter got spooked by a Smurf at Carowinds, and before I realized what was happening she was gone and nowhere to be seen. I was very close to screaming for her when one of the other adults with us found her (she got away that fast, from ALL of us). Then there was the time she nearly got on the wrong train in DC while the rest of the family piled into the one on the other side of the track–and then piled off really fast when we realized she was missing. You understand what I am saying? This happens.

My grandson got away from me one time after an event. He took off running toward the direction of our car, I chased after him, and literally fell out a door, giving him greater distance between us. When I found him, he was standing beside our car, waiting for me. At three years old, he was a fast kid. It happens.

I bet you there is not one parent who doesn\’t have a story to tell of the time their kid managed to slip past their line of vision. The folks who revile you for that–also known as people who don\’t have kids–likely also revile parents who put their kids on a safety restraint so they can keep up with them. You cannot please people. Be your own responsible self and raise your kid without guilt of what \”others\” will think.

Be vigilant, take what measures you must to feel that your child is as safe as possible; but remember, kids are impulsive, and before you can even turn your head in their direction, they can disappear.

Also, if you are considering parenthood, just had a new baby, etc., consider these things:
1) There is no such thing as a perfect parent.
2) Making dumb comments such as, \”my kid will never do that\” are dumb; and you could very likely end up eating bitter words, mixed with salty tears.
3) Kids have their own personalities. Until you are a parent, you don\’t know what kind of parent you\’ll be, and you CERTAINLY don\’t know what kind of kid your kid will be.

The Myth of the Empty Nest

\"empty-nest_2356878\" Several years ago I wrote about the joys of empty nesting. Less than a year after I wrote that article, the empty nest was interrupted. Had to be done. People’s welfare was at stake. Nine months ago, our nest emptied out again. And just this week we once again gave birth to that baby called empty nest no longer. Because family always comes home. Because life is full of lies we tell ourselves, like someday you will have an empty nest and will be free to travel the world in a camper and have the health to do so!

Just this week, Dave and I moved his mom into our home. Continue reading “The Myth of the Empty Nest”