Forward Movement (The Cancer Journals)

If you’ve experienced it, you know that life takes on a different reality when a loved one has cancer. All the plans we are making for Dave’s treatment feel almost surreal. It’s one thing to make plans to travel to go on a vacation. Those plans can be cancelled if necessary. But right now, we are making plans to travel a fair distance and live in an unfamiliar location, to spend time each day at a medical facility—and these plans can’t be cancelled. It’s not a vacation (even though proton therapy has been called the “radiation vacation” because of the low amount of side effects). This is a super serious journey on which we are embarking, and it affects my emotions almost as if I’m living inside a strange dream.

In the weeks (seems like years!) since Dave was diagnosed with cancer, we have had to make several important decisions. The major decision for Dave, of course, was deciding which type of treatment he would seek to battle his cancer and still remain as whole as possible.

Dave does not make decisions quickly. It’s a fine quality (yes, really it is), as it means he has spent much time reading lots of medical material, considering every angle of a situation, weighing all the consequences, and arriving at the most comfortable decision for him. If I’m honest, waiting for him to make a decision was pretty challenging for me. I just wanted the cancer gone from his body, and I wanted it gone NOW. Dave also wants the cancer to be gone, but he also wants to experience good quality of life after his treatments. So, it took him awhile to decide which would work best for his body and his mental health.

After a great deal of prayer and personal research, discussions with friends who have experienced the same cancer, and talking with at least three different doctors, Dave came to the decision to go forward with proton therapy treatment at a facility in Knoxville. Remember, now, Dave learned he “possibly” had cancer in May, and it was confirmed in June. For me, this has been a near eternity of waiting, watching, and fretting. I know I’m not supposed to do that, but there you have it—I fretted. After all, we are talking about the man I love forever; and I’d like to have many more years here on earth with him, so time is of the utmost importance.

The ball is rolling now, and very soon we will spend a week in Knoxville, Tennessee, where Dave will receive pre-treatment procedures to ready his body and his medical team for the actual therapy. After getting these procedures completed, we will be back home until we are called and given the green light to return and begin the proton therapy. This involves six weeks of treatment, five days a week.

You aren’t going to believe this—or maybe you will—but just two days ago—one week before we are to arrive in Knoxville–the hotel we had booked for our week’s stay in Knoxville called and cancelled our reservation! Why, you ask? Because the state of Tennessee has commandeered not only that hotel, but a couple of others as well, for the purpose of housing college students who are being tested for the C19 virus. Yes, I said THREE hotels. I know, right? Whatever. Thankfully, I was able to get different reservations rather quickly, and my blood pressure is back on track.

All that’s left is finding a suitable dwelling for the six weeks we are in Tennessee, and we are good to go!

(For anyone thinking they might take advantage of our time away from our home and visit it during the wee hours, please let me remind you that our home is dedicated to service to–and protected by–God, as well as inside and outside cameras, an alarm system, and a young man the size and strength of the Green Hulk. Just don’t try it, okay?) 

For the many who have offered daily prayers on our behalf, and have encouraged us in so many different ways, we are overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness that God has blessed us with such great family and friends. We love and appreciate all of you. Thank you so very, very much.

We take comfort in knowing that our God is in control of every aspect of this time in our lives. Our prayer is that we will be faithful witnesses of His goodness and care, to those we meet along the way. It is, after all, ALL about HIM.

Stay tuned for updates as we travel this journey…

In This World

I prayed, \”Abba, Daddy, the love of my life has cancer.\”

\” In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I prayed, \”Abba, Daddy, a young man has died. He was only 14. He had so much life to live. My grandsons are heartbroken, and they are facing the terrible reality that death comes to all ages.\”

\” In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

I prayed, \”Abba, Daddy, a child has died so very tragically, only six years old. This should not have happened!\”

\” In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

I prayed, \”Abba, Daddy, the world–our country–is falling apart at the seams. People don\’t love each other anymore; they are barely civil to one another; there is great violence. It\’s sad. It\’s scary. Sometimes I am afraid.\”

\” In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

Y\’all, God IS in control. It looks like the world is falling apart. Stuff happens daily that causes the heart to ache. Some days, it feels like going forward is just too much of a struggle. Some days, the urge to stay hidden under the covers on my bed is strong. \”Nevertheless, the firm foundation of God stands, having this seal, “The Lord knows those who are His”… (2 Timothy 2:19). He sees the struggle. He sees the fear. He pulls back the covers and says to me–to us, \” In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” 

BUT GOD…

 

Limbo (The Cancer Journals)

When you or someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, the first thoughts are, “Let’s get it out, now!” Sometimes that happens; more often it doesn’t work that quickly.

Before Dave’s final diagnosis of cancer, he had two biopsies and an MRI. Since Dave has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, he’s seen his urologist twice, a radiologist, had a bone scan, consulted with a second urologist, and he’s spoken to numerous friends and prayer warriors, not only about his diagnosis, but also about the best procedure to take care of his cancer.

His urologist, of course, wants to completely remove the prostate. Dave’s biopsy showed two different levels of cancer, one of which is fairly aggressive and lethal (doctor’s words). Those are concerning words, to say the least. If I’m honest, they strike total paralyzing fear in me. As a pastor family, Dave and I have ministered to families long enough to know what those two words can mean. And I don’t want them to mean the same for us.

Treatments have been discussed, researched, and then discussed again. Several options are really not options, unless they are last resorts.

Radiation is out, for the first steps of treatment. Radiation produces scar tissue, which tends to fuse organs together. This means that if radiation proved to ultimately not take care of the cancer, then because of the danger to the organs that manage to fuse themselves to the prostate, surgery no longer is an option. Too risky to the other organs.

Radiation “seeds” are out. Not well proven to be effective, and with his type of cancer… (man I hate those words!)

Partial removal of the organ is out. They could miss some of the bad cells during the partial removal (you can’t see cancer cells with the eye), which could cause a recurrence of the cancer, leading to more surgery.

Dave has actually scheduled his surgery for a prostatectomy for the end of August at the VA hospital. This would involve robotically removing the entire prostate. One night in the hospital, and he’s free to come back home. I’ll let you look up the side-effects—possibly long term or permanent—for yourself. This is not the first preference of the hubster, and I understand why.

Several of Dave’s friends suggested he look into the possibility of proton therapy. Proton therapy has been around since 1954 and approved by the FDA in 1988. It’s not a new procedure; neither is it experimental. There are several centers for treatment in the United States, but none currently in our state. (To learn more about proton therapy, visit their website at https://www.proton-therapy.org. All that we’ve read leaves us very hopeful.)

This is where the limbo begins. Dave made his initial contact with one of the centers last week. They took medical and insurance information and have scheduled a video consultation in the next week. What a LOOOOONG time to wait! I know, I know…in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that long. But when the man you love forever has cancer in his body—aggressive, lethal cancer—it seems like a very long wait.

This is Dave’s first choice of treatment, because proton therapy is non-invasive, has better long-term results and fewer side-effects. If approved, Dave and I will travel to one of the bordering states to a treatment center for more tests, consultations, and fittings for body molds. Then we get to come back home and wait for them to call and let us know they are ready to begin his treatment, which will last anywhere from four weeks to eight weeks, depending on the type of treatment they deem best for him. Please pray with us. A lot has to fall in place. But God…

The Limbo game has a song attached to it in which the singer asks, “How low can you go?” I’m here to tell you, when you are in limbo—when someone you love is in the waiting mode—your thoughts can take you pretty low. But God…

BUT GOD…is in total control (yes, I do believe this); has calmed our souls by the testimonies of others traveling this particular path; wakes me with His word in my heart to soothe my soul; loves us both, no matter the results of the treatment Dave receives. I trust in God completely. I know that whatever treatment Dave ultimately undergoes, God goes before us to pave the way and get us through whatever lies in our path.

So, the waiting continues. The hope continues. The trust continues. Everything in its time, right?

(Dave and I read a book by a man who had this treatment—Calming the Storm: A Christ-Follower’s Victory Over Cancer, by Don Denton. We were very encouraged by his story. The day after he completed eight weeks of therapy, he and his wife drove several hours back to their home. The next day they went hiking, and within a week he was back to regular, everyday activities with NO lingering side effects AND in complete remission. We find his story inspiring and hope-filled.)

…Also Known as Borrowing Trouble

It used to be that the \”what ifs\” kept me awake at night. You can read about that here. That doesn\’t happen a lot these days, and I find it pretty easy to transition from having slept in my recliner for two or three hours to getting right back to sleep in the bed.

Nowadays, sleeplessness shows up at dawn–if dawn arrives at 4am. Waking up that early isn\’t so bad. It\’s an opportunity to sit in our quiet home and read the Bible and pray. It\’s just that the time between that moment my eyes open and when I finally get up is a bit problematic; because most mornings, as soon as my eyes open, this big old giant elephant rushes in and jumps onto my chest, almost suffocating me with heavy and unwelcome anxiety. Awful thoughts pour into my brain in those few moments.

Why? Why does this happen? Did the dreams I can never remember assault my mind while I slept? Is the enemy attacking, hoping to paralyze my day with fear? Am I doing this to myself? Because, if I\’m doing this to myself, I\’m going to be really mad at me!

These days, my anxieties aren\’t because one of my kids might fall into a well (read the article). And I know I\’m not alone in this–we all have concerns, right? The \”what ifs\” invade our minds, the elephant makes a trampoline of our chests, and our peace becomes a ruins.

Jesus knew this would happen. Matthew, chapter 6, is a gold mine of encouragement and instruction for those of us who are overtaken by the anxieties of life. Jesus told his followers, \”For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?\” (6:25)

But what about sickness, Jesus? People I love are sick. \”And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?\” (6:27)

And then there\’s this precious exhortation: “… do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.\” (6:34)

I know, I know. Some days this is so much easier to say than to do. I\’m there right now. Very serious concerns have visited our home. It\’s easy to fill my mind so full of anxiety that I completely lose all peace. But the great Peace Maker won\’t let me. He sticks close beside me; He is the shadow on my right hand (Ps. 121:5), and all I have to do is look to Him and be assured He won\’t leave me. Peace ultimately arrives and pushes the anxiety into the background. Oh, how I wish I could say it goes away and never returns. I\’m working on that.

In the meantime, I keep certain verses close. Psalm 94:19 – \”When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.\” I begin my mornings with this verse, remembering all the blessings in my life, thanking God for everything wonderful that comes to mind. Take that, silly elephant! And get off my chest.

Here are a few more verses I remember; perhaps they will bless you, too.

Psalm 142:3a – \”When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path.\”

God told Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…\” (1:5a). He knows us, too. He knew before we were born what path our lives would take. He knew the struggles we would fight, the fears that would overwhelm.

GOD KNOWS, friend. GOD CARES for us. He will never leave us on our own. 

When I told the world about my husband\’s cancer diagnosis, I was overwhelmed by the compassion of friends. More than one friend referenced Psalm 121, which I have now adopted as my \”rudder\” as I steer through these new and treacherous waters. It\’s a beautiful promise, and I can barely read it without shouting. \”I will life up my eyes to the hills; from where shall my help come? MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; HE WHO KEEPS YOU will not slumber.\” (Psalm 121:1-3).

God is my keeper, my shade, my protector from evil, the guard of my soul. He\’s my Good Father. Amen.

God bless your day, dear friends. And remember, it\’s all about HIM.

My Help Comes From the Lord

\"\"(This picture was taken in 2013 when the Forsyth Jail & Prison Ministries\’ staff traveled to Israel. We were on the way up to Jerusalem. No matter which direction you travel in Israel, Jerusalem is always up, as it is the highest point in the land. No wonder David chose it as his stronghold.)

With all that is happening in the world, as well as the shock waves running through our immediate family, my soul has been drenched in a jumble of emotions, spilling out through my eyes and–not so quietly–through my mouth. Desperation attempts to consume me. It eats through hours of sleeplessness and keeps my soul restless.

What a great comfort these last few days have been. We are friend-blessed and have felt your prayers for our family. Our hearts are overwhelmed with gratitude for the love you have shown. And, interestingly, not only did my mind go to Psalm 121, but I have also had friends reference it in their communications with me. That, my friends, is a God thing. This psalm reminds me that my help comes from the Lord. I have to focus my eyes above the challenges facing our family and look to the hills to God, who is my refuge and my strength. This promise has brought shouts of joy to my soul. Also, while searching the scriptures this morning, I found this:

Isaiah 41:10 – \”Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.\”

God\’s Word. Love.

What about you? Is your life on a roller-coaster these days? There certainly is a lot to throw us off the tracks, isn\’t there? Look to the hills, precious person. God will not allow your foot to slip.  The One who keeps us does not sleep. He holds us up with His righteous right hand. He\’s fully aware of it all and completely in charge.

Love you guys. Have a blessed day.

And remember, it\’s all about HIM.

-Claudette