Category: Posts

The Color \’C\’ (The Cancer Journals)

***Update July 6, 2029: Discussion with radiologist was fairly positive. She said that if Dave has to have cancer and surgery, he is in the best position for that. She said he is Stage 2 on a cancer scaling; on a Gleason scale he is an 8, but it\’s so very early in the process that it\’s not some of the grade 8\’s that you would read about online (which she told us not to do). He meets with his doctor at the end of July, and they discuss his options again. And then they will schedule his surgery for sometime in August. He has a bone scan on Thursday, but the doctor thinks that will be a negative result, just like the lymph glands. So looks like at the moment it\’s all contained in the prostate. They caught this really early, and the actual aggressive cells were only 10% of the total biopsy results. Whew, that makes me feel much calmer. Dave feels better too, but now he has to deal with the surgery and all that entails.***

Wait a minute, letters aren\’t colors! Oh, really? Well, let me ask you, does your world change colors when you experience different life events? It does? Aha! So, letters and words do make colors. I can distinctly remember events in my life through the years that I refer to as \”gray\” periods.

I would venture to say that not many folks can say their lives haven\’t changed color by the \’C\’ word—cancer. We\’ve maybe lost loved ones, dear friends, or experienced cancer personally. For Dave and me, it was family members–my mother and brother, his father. These losses colored our worlds for a time with the grays and blacks of grief.

Now, we are facing cancer up close and personal, with Dave\’s recent diagnosis of prostate cancer. Man, I hate even writing those words (excuse me a moment; I have something in my eyes). There you have it–the man that I have loved and lived with for two-thirds of my life, has cancer. Now, before you go all Marcus Welby on me (younger generations may need to Google this reference \"\") , I know all the statistics that say that this is pretty easily contained and that at his age, prostate cancer will not likely be the thing that \”takes him out\”– his words. That does not really help. Inside the body of my beautiful husband, an enemy is lurking. And I don\’t like it one single, itty bitty little second.

As a believer, how do I face this? God knows my sadness and fear in this moment, and He\’s not disappointed in my emotion. If I were to be angry with Him, shake my fist in His face (God forbid!), and turn my back on Him, He would just sit and wait patiently for me to turn back around and run to to Him. I understand, I believe, and I trust that God is bigger than any disease, including cancer. I trust God to do His will, for His purpose, in every circumstance of my life. I teach this to other believers, because I so strongly believe it. God is every moment my Comforter.

In times of anxiety and sleeplessness, I quote one of my favorite verses, found in Psalm 94:19 – \”When my anxious thought multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.\”

Dave has really been a trooper, and his response provides a bit more calm to my heart. He refers to cancer as \”body rust.\” Once it starts, it doesn\’t stop, so there needs to be some kind of serious intervention, or it will just eat right through us. If left alone, the affected part can cause total breakdown. Sometimes treatment is called for, and sometimes the rusted part needs to be completely removed (e.g., his prostate). Yeah, he\’s pretty wise like that. I think I\’ll keep him.

No matter what, when my world gets rocked and turns gray, God is and remains in total control of my life, of Dave\’s life, and of your life. This is not a platitude, my friend; this is truth.

Be blessed, and remember, it\’s all about HIM.
-Claudette

Our \”Adopted\” Children

In addition to our own two children and five grandchildren, Dave and I have a number of young people we refer to as our heart children. They\’ve come into our lives through the years and captured our hearts. We don\’t know what it is that caused us to love them, but we can\’t deny that God placed a deep love for them inside of us.  Most of them belong to happy, loving families, so it\’s not like we feel the need to \”rescue\” them. For some of these young folks, it\’s almost like the scripture that talks about souls being knitted together. I clearly remember looking at a young couple visiting our church and immediately loving them. Dave and I barely knew their names, but we knew they were going to be our \”kids.\” To this day, they have our hearts, and have also given us a heart-grandchild (he calls us Grandma Claudette and Grandpa Pastor).

To my memory, it began when a friend of one of our children called us \”mom\” and \”pop.\” At first we were surprised, but it didn\’t take long to decide we really liked the reference. Considering us in that way represented to us a sort of trust that we were there for them. Even today a few of our kids\’ friends continue to refer to us in that way, even though they are now grown and have children of their own. At one of our churches, one of our members called me mom because, in his culture, pastor\’s wives are considered the church mother or first lady. He and his wife remain precious to us to this day. Kids who grew up in churches Dave pastored occasionally still seek us out for advice. I have some \”adopted\” kids that I met through various online forums. Our grandsons friends call us grandma and \”dad.\” We love each and every one of these young people, and we are honored that they share their lives with us. We consider it a high calling and a great privilege.

As believers in Christ, it doesn\’t surprise God when we call Him Father, or Daddy, or Papa. In fact, He rather enjoys it. We have been adopted as His children, and His heart is knitted to ours.  Because we are His children, we are precious to Him; and like the Good Parent that He is, He is interested in every aspect of our lives. He forever wants the best for us. I don\’t understand why God loves me, but I know that He does. I am grateful to be His child, and I know that I can always depend on Him to care for me and love me unconditionally.  

Ephesians 1:4-6 says, \”… He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.\” (NASB)

How wonderful is that?

Have a great day, everyone. Remember, it\’s all about HIM.

 

This Crazy World…

Y\’all it\’s only 11:30. So far today…

\"\"I sat in my car as my grandson ran into the store to make a purchase. Sitting in the car beside of me were two teens with masks on. As I watched, their father came out of the store without a mask and hands his daughter the grocery bag. He then takes a gallon container of Purell Hand Sanitizer out of his car and proceeds to wash in that stuff from the elbows to the finger tips, places the bottle back in the car (the door he opened before he sanitized his hands), gets in his car and PUTS A MASK ON before driving away. (You can\’t make this stuff up…)

As I was returning from K\’ville after dropping off my grandson, I traveled behind a car approaching a red light at an intersection. I was frozen in fear as I watched this individual drive straight through that light without ever tapping their brakes or slowing down even a little bit. Just drove straight through. Thank God no cars were in the intersection.

\"\"Do you see the chair at the end of the steps? I let Gracie out to do her doggie thing, and when she saw the chair, she did an about face and ran into the house and hid under the table. Now, she won\’t even go near the back door.

I don\’t even know what to think anymore. World has gone crazy.

 

Life Under Construction – Psalm 29 (with Emphasis)

The Voice of the Lord in the Storm.
A Psalm of David.

Ascribe* to the Lord, O sons of the mighty,
Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
2 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due to His name;
Worship the Lord in the majesty of holiness.

3 The voice of the Lord is upon the waters;
The God of glory thunders,
The Lord is over many waters.
4 The voice of the Lord is powerful,
The voice of the Lord is majestic.
5 The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars;
Yes, the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
6 He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
And Sirion like a young wild ox.
7 The voice of the Lord hews out flames of fire.
8 The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness;
The Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
9 The voice of the Lord makes the deer to calve
And strips the forests bare;

And in His temple everything says, “Glory!”

10 The Lord sat as King at the flood;
Yes, the Lord sits as King forever.
11 The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace.

Our dog doesn\’t like thunderstorms. She hides behind our chairs or climbs up onto Dave\’s lap and buries her head under his arm. I kind of enjoy a good thunder storm. What I don\’t like are life-storms. What nature-storms cause in our dog, life-storms cause in me. They shake and quake inside of me until I am full of anxiety and fear, and my human instinct is to pace, or fume, or rant. Sometimes I just hide myself behind a fake smile and pretend all is well.

Why do I allow myself to respond to the storms like that? I have a Father who shelters me under His wings. He invites me to bury my head on His shoulder and trust my heart to Him. Sadly, I often forget that.

Psalm 29 reminds me that my God is strong and mighty–what can He not accomplish in my life? The voice of the Lord  is a storm-stopper. The voice of the Lord calms the soul. The Lord will bless my soul and give me peace. In His temple, let me shout, \”Glory!\” With this mighty God leading me, I can move forward in confidence and accomplish His will. 

Have a wonderful day, y\’all. Be blessed.

It\’s all about Him.

*ascribe = attribute something to; regard a quality as belonging to

Life Under Construction – Finding Peace

In my search for some peace of heart and mind during this life-altering time in history, I\’ve been reading through the Psalms, searching for a balm to cover my grief. I\’m not going to even try to explain how I feel about what is happening to our once beautiful and free country, because the proper words just won\’t form.

I know we each feel our own way about all that\’s happening and how we should respond–and I\’m not looking for platitudes or advice from folks–so I\’ll leave this alone and get to the real point of my thought for today–I am in a state of unrest, and the only answer I know to help me find calmness is to pray without ceasing and stick close to my Bible. As in other times of studying them, I find that the emotions of the Psalms speak to my heart like no other book in the Bible. It\’s like David snuck into my diary and read it.

And as God would have it, today\’s verse just happens to come from the Psalms, from one of the daily devotions I receive in my email each morning; and it\’s perfect!

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.  — Psalm 62:8

I love God\’s way of putting the same theme in His Word into the hearts of the many at the same time. It reminds me that I\’m not alone and that others are struggling with the same emotions as I, and that many of us need to hear the same reassurances from the Word. Cool.

I went to Psalm 62 to read the \”rest of the story,\” and here are a few other verses I found in this little gem:

\”My soul waits in silence for God  only; from Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken\” (vss. 1,2).

\”My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be moved\” (vss. 5,6).

And listen to this!–\”One thing God has spoken; these two things have I heard: that power belongs to God; AND lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord…\” (vs. 11, 12a).

Well, there you go. God has all power, AND He loves me. That\’s just pretty wonderful.

What is your verse for this day? How has God spoken to you this morning?

Have a great day, dear friends. God IS in control; that elephant just needs to get up off my chest and move along.

Love you all.

Happy Father\’s Day

To my birth father: I never knew you. I’m told you were very excited when I was born, and then you just abandoned us. I guess in those days it was just not accepted to have a child out of wedlock. And then you were murdered, so I never got the chance to meet you in later years. I don’t know where you are—heaven or hell—but I want to say thank you for giving me life. It hasn’t been a perfect life. But it’s been my life, to become what God planned for me from the foundation of the world. Pretty cool. I would have loved to meet you, to talk about family quirks and personalities, but that didn’t happen. All I know of you is what my mama told me about you (she loved you desperately, you know), the couple of photos I have, and the news articles detailing your death. Happy Father’s Day. I hold no grudges and no anger.

To Bob, the stepdad who raised me: You were a part of our lives from the time I was four or five, until your death in 1985. You are the “dad” who raised me. You, Bob, are the man who gave us childhood memories, who took us on vacations, who took lots of pictures and videos, who fed and clothed us, who escorted me down the aisle on my wedding day; the one who let me “work” in your office the summer I was 13 so I could learn a bit about the profession I ultimately pursued. If it weren’t for your picture-taking of our life’s events, I might have trouble remembering all the great things you did for us. Because alongside all the good, we had some rough patches. Some horribly, horribly rough patches–not all of them because of you, but many because of the two of you and your explosive relationship. All my memories aren’t warm fuzzies.

However, I need to say this—and it’s long overdue—thank you. We never went hungry or in lack of anything material all the days I lived in that house. I am grateful that you raised us as your own children, right alongside your own children. I have deep regrets about the kids you left behind to be with mama. While that was not of my doing, I can’t help but feel that we took from them, and it pains my heart. I just want to say thank you for taking care of us. As much as I understood how, I loved you like a father. Someday we will talk again, in heaven. Happy Father’s Day.

To Dave: Not my father, but the father of our children. It was your example of fatherhood in the lives of our children that helped me begin to understand the true meaning of a father’s love. I remember the excitement in you as you came home from work each evening. You spent so much of your time on the floor, rolling around with the kiddies. You practiced and taught them discipline with your own lifestyle. You loved Josh and Jenn without reservation, and that love has only deepened over the years. More important than all of that, you taught them about God; you led them to know Jesus. YOU baptized them as they professed their faith in the God you love and serve.

Yes, we did make our share of mistakes, but what parent doesn’t? We aren’t perfect, after all. If you talk to our kids, though, they don’t remember the mistakes. What they remember is the fun you were, the life lessons you taught, and the love you gave them. Ask either one how they feel about you. They’ll not only tell you, but they proudly tell the world about their dad.

Your example helped them to know what it is they want as they raise their own children. Their methods aren’t the same as we practiced, but their love for their children is the exact replica of the love you gave to them. Their children don’t have to question whether they are loved; they know that, because our children’s father loved them.

You’ve been a “dad” to our grandsons. Just when we thought the nest might be emptying out and our lives entering a new moment, we were called into co-parenting alongside our daughter. You’ve been with the boys every single day since they were born—if not by your physical presence, for sure by your daily prayers on their behalf. Those young men will always know there was a man in their lives who loved them with his every breath. You also taught them about Jesus. You baptized all three of those boys. You’ve taught them to shave, homeschooled one of them, practiced white-knuckle patience as you taught driving lessons. The energy level isn’t what it was when you were younger, but again, if it has been in your power to teach them or bring joy to their lives, you’ve been right there. And now, you are also Papa to Josh’s two little red heads. What fun still lies ahead!

So, thank you isn’t enough to express all you’ve been for your family. It just isn’t. But we are grateful for you, and we love you.

After my salvation experience, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in this world. We are a perfect match, and I’m glad God orchestrated our lives to come together. And though our story hasn’t been exactly all that we dreamed about, it’s still OUR story. God is good, and our lives together have mattered. Every single “bump” has brought us closer to Him and to each other. I love you forever.

Thank you. You are so very, very loved. Happy Father’s Day.

To Josh: What you have wanted to be for almost your whole life, you now are—a dad. And let me say, you are rocking it! I’m so very proud of the dad you are to those little ones. I love the way they look and you, and I really love the way you look at them. You are at the beginning of the parenthood journey, but you are moving in the right direction with them. Just keep loving them, keep telling them about Jesus, challenge their lives to be the best they can make it. We love you pray for you daily. Happy Father’s Day.

To Jenn: You are a brave woman, raising three boys alone. At this stage, you are very nearly through the child-rearing stage. Your boys are growing up so quickly! They are all on track to be fine men. Keep on keeping on. We see your love for your boys, and we hear their love for you. You understand there isn’t a one of them who wouldn’t leap to your defense in the blink of an eye, right? Don’t get tired; don’t give up; keep up the fight for the souls of your boys. God sees and He cares. So do we. We love you. Happy Father\’s Day.

Life Under Construction – Some Days I Feel Like Spiderman

** I wrote this in 2005, when Nate was 5 and Philip was 2. It\’s now January 2020, and the boys are grown/growing up–Nate is 19, Philip is 16, and Andre is now 14 years old! Nate has come back to live with us in the last year and half (no bad reason–just because), and Jenn and the boys live a few miles from us. She\’s still working hard (two jobs totaling 12 days a week), and the boys are still in need of attention, support, clothing, and food–lots and lots of food. 🙂

Has life settled down for us? Maybe a little. Dave and I are both retired now. We spent two of those retirement years homeschooling one of the grandsons, and we are traveling out of state at least once a quarter to spend time with our son\’s family, who have a 3 1/2-year-old and a 1-year-old.

In what turned out to be \”not a very good year,\” Dave and I both lost our mothers in 2014. It was a hard year, with other losses suffered as well, which added to our sadness. Our joy comes from knowing we\’ll see them again. Our pain comes from knowing we can\’t see them now.

Would I trade my life for someone else\’s? No. Our life is what it is. Some days are super stressful; and then we have the days we spend napping in our chairs, just being super lazy; and some days I get to be Spiderman (or Super Grandma), balancing out the less glamorous moments.

And here\’s the deal, I still believe that God is in control. I still believe that He will see us through whatever stress drops itself into our laps. We have the normal concerns that other retired families have, but God knows that, and as Dave said recently, \”God will see us through.\”

Even though there are challenges in our lives, we work them out with trust and faith, relying on God\’s grace.

So, on to the original post. **

I watched Spiderman2 with the grandkids the other night. Not long into the story I got the impression this was a very unhappy superhero. You see, in order to perform his superhero activities, Spiderman had to give up many things that make up a “normal” life—the girl he loved, the inability to keep a regular schedule, enough sleep, etc.

Now, I’m not a superhero, but some days I feel like Spiderman. After a night of broken sleep by one or more of the grandkids (they live with us), or a day of sickness which throws all plans out the window, or canceling dinner plans with my husband because our daughter is called in to work at the last minute (and you know who has to baby sit), I just feel drained, empty. As well, just recently I’ve become a member of the “sandwich” generation—taking care of young children AND caring for the needs of an ailing mother. And I feel like asking, as Spiderman did, “What am I supposed to do? Do I never get what I want?\”

Before you respond with suggestions to quit whining, let me inform you that I know the movie story line has a happy ending. Finally, Spiderman gets recognized for his good deeds, and he gets the girl. When he again flies off to be a superhero, he’s a happy and willing hero.

Someday life may settle down. Or maybe it won’t. I don’t remember God promising me anything different for my life. I whine sometimes, because I’m human and I get tired. In the rare quiet moments, though, I remember and trust the promises of God.

You see, I’ve read the Book—I know the ending. I know that “weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5). I am to do the work God has called me to do. As a woman, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother the list is long and the hours are longer. I believe and trust in God’s timing. With His help, I can do this.

-October 19, 2005

Life Under Construction – Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Earlier in Life

Let me say this to all parents of young(ish) kids. Don\’t expect more from them than you do from yourself. If you can have a bad day, SO CAN THEY.

If you can make the \”occasional\” mistake without facing *the LOOK* and can expect total forgiveness, SO CAN THEY.

If they spill, have an accident in their bed, break something…just remember THEY ARE LITTLE KIDS, and have a lot to learn about balance and control. What happens when you spill something? You clean it up and move on. SO SHOULD THEY.

The very most important things your children should learn from you is, #1) God loves them unconditionally; #2) You love them UNCONDITIONALLY; and #3) IT\’S OKAY TO BE A HUMAN BEING WHO OCCASIONALLY MAKES MISTAKES, HAS BAD DAYS, BREAKS THINGS, etc.

Those are things… your kids are HUMANS. Treat those little souls like special, precious, irreplaceable LOVED kiddies. Also, if you don\’t make them nervous all the time with *the LOOK*, they might not break as much. Just sayin\’.

Off the soap box for now.

P.S. I get the extenuating circumstances, the willful behaviors that must be corrected, etc. You\’re preaching to the choir. I\’m not talking about that. Please understand what I AM talking about, and be the person your child always feels safe to be around.

Eulogy for a Brother

\"\"

Through life, many of us have said goodbye to our parents or other senior loved ones. While it is expected, their death can bring profound grief. However, to my thinking, it is earth-shattering when you lose a sibling. Because how do you say goodbye to a sibling? This kid with whom you ran and played and got into trouble? This precious sibling, the friend of your youth?

More than I want to share with you, I need to tell you about our brother, Tim. Tim was born on January 28, 1960. He died on January 16, 2019, just 12 days shy of his 59th birthday. He was the son of Bob and Muriel Bryant, a beautiful little blonde haired, brown-eyed boy. My sister Judy and I thought of him as our living baby doll, and we doted on him. Between those two dates listed on his urn, Tim lived a full, crazy, wild, sad, turbulent, and victorious roller-coaster life. I say without reservation that the greatest grief I’ve experienced thus far in my life was watching him die.

For we siblings, life wasn’t always easy in the home of our youth, and the challenges affected all of us in different ways. Tim struggled, maybe more than the rest of us. As he grew into young adulthood, he distanced himself from his family, because memories were not the happy, fluffy kind, and he just didn’t know how to deal with them. For many years, we seldom heard from or saw Tim. That all changed in 2015, and Tim came home, much to our delight.

From his youth, Tim loved sports. He played football and baseball through most of his school years and excelled at both. When he wasn’t playing sports, he watched them on TV. More recently, his favorites were the Carolina Panthers and UNC. When he visited in our homes, Tim spent many hours in front of the TV watching sports and talking about the game with anyone interested in listening.

Tim loved to play jokes. I’m sure we all have stories to tell, but one our aunt Beverly told us was that he loved to torment her when she was dating by sneaking under the living room couch where she and her date were sitting. Eventually he would give himself away by snickering at them. Once, she and her date were almost to their date location when she heard giggling from the back floorboard. Tim had snuck into the car, forcing them to turn around and drive him back to the house. He was a little rascal.

As an adult, Tim supported himself with his carpentry, roofing, and welding abilities. Anywhere he lived, he was able to find work because of these skills. And he was a perfectionist. His work was always done well, making him proud to show folks what he had accomplished.

Tim was a survivor. He seemed to get over all the hurdles that came before him, and many of those were very tough. He was not selfish at all, and he never wanted anyone to feel sorry for him. He was more concerned over his siblings than his own welfare. Shortly before we learned that Tim’s cancer had returned, the #TwistedSiblings went to the beach for the weekend. Tim and our brother Bruce went fishing one morning and spent most of their day remembering their youth and the fun they had as kids. Bruce told us he will always cherish that day they spent together. Like Bruce, we will all cherish good memories of times with our brother and share them with our children and other family members.

Tim was always willing to help when he came to stay in our homes. And we’re talking any kind of project. At mine and Dave’s house, he patched ceilings, painted walls, installed lighting, laid linoleum, and other tasks he found. He couldn’t be still! He did the same when he was at any of the siblings’ houses. While living with our Aunt Beverly, he restored two of their bathrooms and planted roses and peach trees in their yard. He also planted flowers at Judy’s house, going so far as to use a measuring tape to be certain each plant was the exact distance apart! Perfection. After planting flowers with Judy one day, he turned to her and said, “Just wait until spring when all these bloom.” He didn’t live to see them, but Judy faithfully sends us photos of the beautiful flowered areas he created.

At our sister Veniva’s house, he loved to swim and lounge by the pool. Once, when Veniva and her husband went out of town for a week, Tim stayed at their house to supervise their teen-aged son, with whom he formed a special bond. Caleb wanted to go to a party and invited Tim to go with him. Tim said okay, but cautioned they could not stay for too long. Tim was having so much fun that evening (because he loved to laugh and enjoy life), that Caleb had to remind Tim more than once that it was past midnight and time to go home!

Tim was a patriot. While he didn’t serve in the military, he loved our country. He also loved people and had a warm and friendly personality. He could and would talk with anyone, always looking for their best. Judy told us that she was deeply touched as she watched his compassion and kindness when he was receiving chemotherapy at the Levine Cancer Institute. He quickly made friends with the other chemo patients and would take time every visit to stop and listen to what they had to say, to reassure them and comfort them with a gentle touch.

He loved tender, real life movies and happy endings and wasn\’t ashamed to cry watching them. In his final weeks on earth, he and Judy watched many of his favorites. He especially identified with the angry young man in the movie “I Can Only Imagine.” Ultimately, though, he came to identify with the salvation transformation of the father who became a man that wholly loved God, his family, and readied himself to meet his Savior face to face.

Tim was great at anything family. He was the most thoughtful gift-giver I’ve ever known. He didn\’t just go to the store and find a little something you \”might\” like. No, Tim shopped with our name and our preferences in mind. The gifts he gave me over the years told me that he really thought about me when selecting a gift. Cards were his specialty. The cards he gifted us with were not generic in nature. They spoke words from his heart that his mouth had difficulty uttering, and I know it took time to look through all the cards on the rack to find that ONE that he knew was THE one. They were meaningful, full of love, and sincere. I have a couple of the cards he gave me that I will keep forever.

Now, here is the most important thing for you to know about Tim: God radically transformed his life, and he was a new man upon returning to North Carolina in 2015. At a revival meeting in Florida, Tim asked Jesus to be his Savior. He tells us that the Holy Spirit led him to testify on the night that he was saved, and the church was full. Anyone who knew Tim knew that was a big step for him. From that point, Tim did his best to live a life pleasing to God and to make new memories with his family and to be remembered well during the few years he was back in our family fold.

Tim was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive lung cancer in mid-2017. After chemo and radiation, Tim was declared in remission in September 2018. Because it was so aggressive, and because doctors warned that this cancer had a bad habit of returning and showing up in other areas of the body, we celebrated this victory, knowing it could be short-lived. Sure enough, Tim learned in October 2018 that his lung cancer had metastasized to his brain and could not be treated. Immediately, he made his list of wishes for the short time he had left. The first thing on his bucket list was to spend time with his family. His greatest joy was to be with his siblings. Tim wanted to show his love and support for us and to make sure we were all going to be okay.

From the hospital that October, Judy brought Tim into her home for the remainder of his life. During that time, she made every single day as special for him as was humanly possible, and she shared the fun with daily pictures and antics of Tim. Several times she texted me that once again she had lost Tim in the Wal-Mart. One of those times she found him, and then they spent the next ten minutes locating his coffee cup that he had set down while examining something on one of the shelves. Tim drank coffee like water, and he did not go anywhere that his coffee mug was not with him. One time, Judy also had to locate Tim’s walker at the Wal-Mart, after he walked away from it! He kept her busy.

To our Aunt Beverly and to our sister Judy, I say thank you. Thank you for loving Tim and taking care of him in your homes. He could be a handful at times, and his quick temper was often met with your quick tempers—you know I speak truth—but just as quickly as it flared, it was over, and life was calm again. You both kept up with his many doctor visits and got him where he needed to be. You gave him stability, a place to rest his head, a great sense of family. Thank you. To Bruce, you made several trips with him to relocate his belongings; you spent time on the phone with him when he needed to talk; you helped him with work projects. What a great brother you are. Thank you. To little sis, Veniva, you took him into your home several times, allowing him to just hang out with your family (and experience your delicious cooking!). He loved that. Thank you. He spent hours talking sports with our guys, laughing and enjoying the camaraderie, making good memories. Thank you.

Many years ago, during Tim\’s turbulent years, he came to spend some time with my family.  Our kids were still young, involved in sporting events, and we took Tim with us everywhere we went. He jumped up and down and yelled for our teams; he encouraged our kids; he totally immersed himself in the family. After having spent a couple of weeks in our home, just before his wandering soul again took over and he headed out for locations unknown, Tim thanked me for allowing him to spend time with us and see what a \”real family\” looked like. It was something he was missing at that time of his life, but thank God it was something he eventually came home to, finding soul-peace at last.

Yes, Tim came home and completed the circle of siblings, and in so doing, helped us create memories that we will forever cherish. We are thankful God brought Tim to Himself first, and then back to us. Thank You, Father.

In the book of John 14:1-3, Jesus tells his disciples: “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

I believe that on January 16, 2019, at 12:27 a.m., Jesus leaned down whispered in Tim’s ear, “I’ve got your house finished. Come and see.”

L.R. Knost wrote: “Life is amazing, and then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”

Tim lived all of that. Rest in peace, dear boy. We love you.

Daryl, Claudette, Judy, Veniva, Bruce, and Aunt Beverly

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Sibling photo, early December 2018. Judy, Veniva, Claudette, Daryl, TIM, Bruce

 

Beach trip, October 2018: TIM, Beverly, Claudette, Veniva, Judy, Bruce

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