The Skin of Their Teeth

More and more, I encounter folks who say, \”I am a Christian,\” but who live with both feet firmly planted in the world. God\’s Word has no more weight to them than the latest magazine they are reading. His standards are adopted only as they don\’t interfere with the lifestyle they\’ve chosen for themselves. They pick and choose what aspects of God\’s character they will believe. Several times over the last few months, I have been frustrated to find friends and family members alike who say they are Christians, but who are practicing sinful lifestyles–mostly in the area of sexual immorality. One person said to me, \”Yes, I\’m a Christian, and I know I shouldn\’t be living with my boyfriend. I don\’t plan to ever marry, and I don\’t plan to ask him to leave. But I do love God. People live together all the time now.\” Hmmm, what\’s wrong with that picture?

How do we help them understand that God is not One who changes with the whims of society, that His Word is eternal and unchanging? It seems that even the thoughts I share with them from the very Word of God only serve to anger them and bring out the most famous verse in the Bible–\”Judge not, lest ye be judged.\” Ugh. What I am finding is that I must just let them go. I pray for them, I continue to love them, and after we have had an opportunity to discuss our differences–based on the Word and not my personal opinion–I continue our relationship as before the conversation (as much as they will allow, understanding that I have a problem with their lifestyle). I want to be available if or when they want to talk.

The Bible has some very specific instructions for dealing with wayward brothers and sisters–all with a view toward bringing them back to the Lord. Sadly, in this world of political correctness, it\’s becoming more and more common that it doesn\’t bring them back, but places them in the league of the bitter and disillusioned. They choose to believe they were wronged–judged (ugh)–unfairly. And they absolutely refuse to accept that their lifestyles have caused Jesus to be dragged through the mud. Rather, it is those who attempted to point them out of their wayward behavior who have embarrassed God with their \’judgmental\’ (ugh) attitudes.

So, do we give up? Do we stop trying to be a witness? We do have our own feet of clay, you know…

Of course, I don\’t believe we should give up. God has called us to be His witnesses. When Jesus told us to be His witnesses to the world, I thought He meant for us to witness to the lost…

now I see He also meant for us to witness to those who\’ve lost their way…

(c) January 2007

Graduate Sunday

Today was Graduate Sunday at our church. As the youth leader, this is my fourth set of kids who are graduating out of youth group and headed to college group. Today also marked the last of the kids I started with in the youth group five years ago. As well, today marked the last time I will graduate kids out of the youth group. See, I\’ve made the decision to move into another area of ministry with the end of this church year.

For years, I have had a desire to have an active ministry among women. Five years ago I put that on the back burner for a while, when God distinctly called me to move among the youth for a season. I didn\’t realize how long that season would last, but here we are. At last I feel released by God to take another direction. And it\’s a good thing. I\’m getting too old to jump with these kids at concerts anymore!

My calling with the youth began in this manner: five years ago in the early fall, I was asked to help chaperon a group of kids going to see the drama, Heaven\’s Gates and Hell\’s Flames. I wasn\’t immediately enamored with the group. These kids were into the Goth \”thing\” and were wearing their black leather jackets, chains, black nail polish, and dog collars. Rough crowd–not interested.

I don\’t know the exact moment it happened, but sometime during that evening, God placed within me a burning desire to reach out to these guys. By the invitation, when I looked at the young man beside me and asked him about his standing before God, and he replied that he wanted to be saved, I was hooked. I was madly in love with all of them. Now, how to be involved? I mulled that one over, and later that week asked the current youth leaders if I might sit in with them during a class. After a few weeks of that, I asked if they might \”share\” the kids with me–let me do Wednesday evenings and them continue to lead the kids on Sunday mornings.

And so it began, my love affair with the youth. It wasn\’t easy. The kids at that time were rather jaded and mostly non-churched (invited by one member–the only member–of the youth group and brought to church on our van). They brought some bad habits with them to the church. Some of those behaviors could even be classified as dangerous. We spent much time discussing the Word of God, we went to ballgames, we went to concerts (after which walking was difficult for a few days!), and we started going to summer camp. My first year with the kids, we took six girls to camp. Last summer, our fourth year, we took 18 kids.

Last year we graduated six kids out of youth group into the college age group. They were–I think now–the heart of the group. After they left, the makeup of the group changed drastically. It was the last of my unchurched kids, and this year\’s kids are all kids who have been in church all their lives. I find quite a difference in the style of teaching I must incorporate into leading them. I have also found that I am tired. I have run completely out of steam. And the passion I once had to reach these kids is growing cool. They deserve better than that. It is time for me to move on and offer them a change of leadership. I have given my guys five good years. Before God, I have done the best I could to point them to Him. They belong to Him, and He will see to it that the proper leader comes into their lives.

And now on to the women\’s ministry!

Weekends

My son asked me what I had done last weekend that made it such a good one. I told him I\’d done what I wanted to do. He laughed at this, because he knows that is a new thing for me. My weekends used to be full of grandchildren living in the house. Understand that I love my grandchildren with every ounce of my being, but when they lived with us, it was always noisy, it was mostly always messy, and hubby and I had very little privacy. It was different than how we had planned our lives, for sure.

When our daughter and grandsons moved out last year, it was difficult at first. We have always felt a great responsibility to the boys, and loud or not, we missed them. Then they would come over for a while and we couldn\’t remember why we had missed them so badly (!). Quiet is such an underrated thing!

Last Saturday, before my husband even got out of the bed, I had the bathroom clean, the kitchen clean and swept, the dining room table cleared of the week\’s mail, a load of clothes washed and dried, and his breakfast cooked. I loved it! I did a few other things around the house and then I quit for the day. I did what I wanted to do.

Later, when hubby returned from the church office, we went out shopping and to dinner. And we were back in our house and settled into our cozy chairs for the evening by 6:30pm!

Not every weekend is like that. Some weekends I have church responsibilities. Every other weekend or so, one of the boys spends the night with us. Some Saturdays I go shopping or to visit my mother. Now the weekends are at my pace, relaxed, quiet for the most part, and peaceful. Because I work outside the home five days a week, you can see why this is important to me.

I love weekends.

Friends Are Friends Forever (or Should Be)

\"\"A couple of weeks ago, after connecting with each other other on Facebook, I got together with four other of my classmates from the class of \’72 (North Davidson High School). We spent a fun couple of hours catching up with each other and had a really great time.

This event worked right in conjunction with one of my great desires these days–to reconnect with PEOPLE. I had made a list of things I\’d like to accomplish before I get too old to do anything–write, visit Costa Rica, travel with my husband, etc. But most important to me, on a human level, is to renew or maintain my friendships.

So, what better place to start catching up than folks with whom I spent the majority of my youth? I\’m hoping we can make a tradition of the gatherings and that the numbers will grow as we continue to meet.

Why do we have to get older to really recognize what\’s most important to us? I\’m glad I\’m finally at a place in my life where I can not only recognize it, but can also do something abo\"\"ut it.

My best friend is Vicky. We\’ve known each other since the age of eight. We always pick up our conversation right where we left off.

Mother\’s Day

I\’m glad Mother\’s Day is past. It\’s not that my children don\’t love me or anything, but I think expectations can be so high about what might happen, and then what doesn\’t happen… I don\’t know–the hype is just too much. It was a weird day for me. I\’m glad it\’s over. That\’s all.

In Memory of Kay

Got a text message from a friend saturday that said, \”kay m– had massive stroke. not expected to live.\” What? Wait a minute, did i read that right? My friend, kay, was going to die? How could that be? She\’s only a few years older than me. She has kids (5, to be exact) and grandkids. She has a husband who adores her. What about her friends, her church…..? This can\’t be right–kay isn\’t really going to die.

But, in fact, by saturday evening my dear friend kay was home with Jesus, leaving us all standing in a daze, wondering what had just happened.

At her funeral, kay received many fine accolades–all of them deserved. My daughter says that of all the folks we know who have died, she is positive kay is in heaven with Jesus. This woman lived her life for Jesus out loud and in front of the whole world. She never flinched in her love and dedication to Him. She never backed down in the face of opposition–in fact, it made her more determined to stand. Kay was a soft-spoken, highly intelligent woman. She possessed a great amount of common sense, and an equal amount of good humor. She loved to laugh. She chose joy for her life instead of depression, and she overcame adversity on purpose.

I loved this friend of mine, and i am going to miss her. It was very strange to me to stand at the coffin, looking down on her empty body and see her so still, all of her \”essence\” gone. She was such a jokester, i almost expected at any moment that she\’d pop up and yell, \”Surprise! Fooled you!\” But she didn\’t. Instead, she was in heaven, worshipping in person the God she had lived for while on earth and bowing at the feet of the Savior she had trusted with her life for all those years. What a celebration they must be having!

Kay was the person who helped me learn the freedom to be me. You see, as a young woman in the new role of \”pastor\’s wife,\” i had this picture of what i was supposed to be–you know, the picture of serenity, every hair in place, pillbox hat, white gloves, a-line skirt all smooth and perfect. I KNEW i could never live up to that idea i had, so i elected to just be \’me.\’ I wasn\’t really sure how that was working, until one day, as i visited my husband at the church, kay took the time to tell me how comfortable she was around me. She told me that because i was so \”real\” and wasn\’t afraid to share my life–warts and all–with folks, that it put them at ease; that i made them feel like they could be \’normal\’ around me and not think they had to put on a mask to hide their true beings. Those words meant so very much to me, and i thanked God for sending kay to me to share them. I will forever be beholden to her for confirming to me what it is church folk need in a pastor\’s family.

Yes, i will miss my friend, kay. I\’m not the only one who will.

I wrote a little poem once that went like this:

One day my life will be no more
and i wonder,
will anyone knock at my door
to mourn my passing?

Many people knocked at the door of kay\’s house and many people are mourning the loss of her physical presence in their lives. At the same time, we rejoice that she is in heaven, with Jesus, and receiving her jeweled crown as a good and faithful servant.

\’Bye for now, kay. See you later. I love you.

missing people

Recently on a fun little questionnaire on Facebook, the question was asked, \”Who do you miss?\” I thought about that, and honestly, after thinking about it, realized I don\’t really miss people and that\’s the response I wrote to the question. Now, let me explain, coz I\’ve already gotten myself in trouble because of that answer. I have extended family that I see maybe twice a year, sometimes three. I love these family members and I\’m always glad to see them. While I don\’t sit around missing them the rest of the times I don\’t see them, I realize when I do see them that I have indeed missed them. And it\’s good to see them and we usually have a good visit.

Some of my family members took exception to the fact that I made that comment. I hope they know that I mean no disrespect to them.

Some of my answer has to do with the fact that my husband and I have lived away from our hometown for most of our married lives. He was in the military when we were first married. Later, he entered the ministry and we moved around a lot. We\’ve only been back in our hometown the last eight years. During that time, we\’ve had the addition of three grandsons into our lives and lots of responsibility with that. We have spent a great deal of time and expended a good bit of energy helping with the needs of these little guys. Add to that the \”sandwich\” lives we lead with aging parents requiring a good bit of our time and attention, and well, I just don\’t miss people.

Besides, if I get to missing someone, I pick up the phone and call them, or I email them, or text them. Modern technology makes it easy to keep up with people, you know?

I fully understand the importance of family. I love my family. I just don\’t miss people. I\’m sorry if that offends.

I Don\’t Want to Lose My Independence

Someday, i will be a really old woman (if the Lord so wills), and i will be dependent upon people. Because i have a fiercely independent nature, i don\’t think this will be an easy journey for me.

As a matter of fact, I recently got a small taste of having to depend upon other folks. We sold my car to our daughter, leaving us with only one car. So hubby would drop me off and work and come back and get me at the end of the day. I had to get someone to take me to church, the grocery store…. everywhere I wanted to go.

I did not like this.

I\’m used to being able to get in my car and go where I want to go when I want to go. Dave finally did rent a car for me to drive until we got a second vehicle, and I was greatly appreciative. I don\’t really go that many places, but it was just the principle of the thing, you know?

So now we have our two cars again, and I\’m able to get around without having to ask for a ride.

Ahhhhhh.

Sometimes…

I needed my husband this evening. It\’s been a stressful day, finding out that my work hours had been cut, which will mean a good bit of belt-tightening for a while. I\’m up for that; we can make it, but I so wish my husband had been here to be with me when I got home. Instead, he was at the hospital sitting with a family whose loved one was in surgery. It\’s what pastors do, and I don\’t begrudge him that one bit, nor do I begrudge the family wanting him there.

It\’s just that every now and then, I miss him. I have to share him with so many people, and sometimes he\’s so drained when he gets home that he doesn\’t really want to talk or interact. He just wants to sit. He\’s a good pastor. He\’s a better husband. He\’s many things to many people.

And sometimes, I just miss him.